Kimberly Kamara is the author of “Where’s My Daddy,” a children’s book aimed at kids who’ve lost a parent to murder. The book was inspired by her family’s continuing journey of grief after her son, Niam Johnson-Tate, lost his life to gun violence on July 5, 2017. Kimberly has two daughters and lives in Germantown with her husband.
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It’s that time of the year that comes around in the same way. Yes, it’s the Holiday Season that everyone loves to see, but we grieving parents are full of pain and hurt. Before the season gets going, ask yourself these questions:
How am I really doing?
Am I celebrating the holiday season?
Am I making any New Year plans or resolutions?
Am I decorating?
Am I cooking?
These questions have been beneficial to me as I ask myself and write out my answers. Each year, I see how far I’ve come from the previous year. At first, I tried to push myself to be perfect (whatever that is) and celebrate the holiday season the way I used to when my child was here on Earth with me, but now I try to go with how I’m feeling.
Every year brings something new, yet despite saying I wouldn’t celebrate Christmas, I always end up doing so.
Do what feels right for you and don’t focus on pleasing others. It’s okay to express your emotions in any way. Do what makes you comfortable and stop trying to please everyone. Express your emotions, cry, scream or shout if you need to.
Initially, I felt guilty enjoying myself and would later cry at home. Sometimes I isolated myself until my family urged me to join them.
I went to Thanksgiving dinner with them and had a nice time. We were playing a game, and I slipped and fell in front of everyone. The room was quiet, and I began to laugh. Well, when I tell you that laugh is what I needed. I almost forgot how it felt to laugh, to smile, to be fun, and to live.
Please let’s not forget who we were before our children’s death.
In early October, I witnessed the community coming together, searching high and low for the kidnapped young lady who vanished from her place of employment at The Terrace at Chestnut Hill on Stenton Avenue.
I witnessed the community become deeply emotional and heartbroken when we discovered that the remains of one of our young women were found in a shallow grave outside Ada A. Lewis Middle School in Mt. Airy, even as the community organized search parties and prayer vigils, hoping for her safe return.
As a lifelong resident of Mt. Airy and Germantown, I have never witnessed a crime that has so deeply united these two communities. This incident was not only emotionally distressing but also had tragic consequences. Community members organized search parties and called out her name, while loved ones established prayer groups in hopes of her safe return. I too participated by searching the neighborhood and including her in my prayers.
This is about a young woman who aspired to inspire younger generations. She confidently shared her life on social media, owned a business, and was determined to become influential.
Let’s all say her name together, “Kada Scott!!!” Whose only crime was being full of life, having dreams, ambition, hope and walking into her adulthood.
Right now, although the family has buried their beloved Kada, as a community, we need to continue to pray for them because they will need it.
As we can remember, the first six months of us walking through our newfound life, we didn’t know what to say, what to do, calling our child’s name, screaming, crying, shutting everyone out, and living inside our own heads almost drove us crazy.
Given national attention on this case, it’s difficult to grasp what the families endure each day. If possible, support those grieving and treat others with compassion, especially during this crucial time at the holidays.
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