Kimberly Kamara is the author of “Where’s My Daddy,” a children’s book aimed at kids who’ve lost a parent to murder. The book was inspired by her family’s continuing journey of grief after her son, Niam Johnson-Tate, lost his life to gun violence on July 5, 2017. Kimberly has two daughters and lives in Germantown with her husband.
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Let’s talk about “DOME.” You see, over the last couple of years, I have allowed myself to become “DOME.” Some may wonder what are you talking about? So let’s break it down:
DRAINED
OVERWHELMED
MISTREATED
EXHAUSTED
Drained: I have allowed myself to become drained from not getting proper rest each night. It is recommended that one gets at least six to eight hours of sleep per night. On a good night, I might get five. It’s not that I don’t want to go to sleep, it’s because my mind races and I can’t turn it off. I think about what I need to do, what I’m going to do, what I’m doing, what’s working, what’s not working, and what I did.
Overwhelmed: Although you are tired, you continue to push yourself. You can literally feel the pain in your joints, your head hurts, your limbs hurt, you sit down to try to rest, and your back hurts. When that phone rings it’s someone calling you telling you all their problems you’re on the phone with them listening instead of taking a nice hot bath, relaxing because they need you and you feel it’s your duty or responsibility to help them instead of helping yourself.
Mistreated: You teach others how to treat you! People will do what you allow them to do to you. If you don’t give other boundaries, guess what. They will cross them each time until you say something, and when you do, they are upset because you exploded, and they think you have lost your mind. Even if you are demanding time to yourself or they feel that you are acting brand new towards them.
Exhausted: Have you ever just been overloaded with information? Has your head ever been in pain, where one could not even lift it off your pillow? You ever get a phone call and it’s the same person complaining about his/her life and the only thing you can do is listen but scream in your head? When your head finally hits the pillow, you just close your eyes and the next thing you know is that you woke up in your clothes, but the sleep felt so good.
How can we get help from falling victim to DOME?
Take time to yourself and learn to relax, learn to be good to you because no one else is going to love you the way you love yourself. It’s alright to take a mental health day or two just to relax and catch up on some sleep. Learn to be kind to yourself and congratulate yourself for putting yourself first. Yes, you will hurt others by doing this, but it will pay off at the end.
Before we get to this point with allowing others to take advantage of you set realistic, healthy boundaries such as telling them “I talk on the phone sometimes but not a lot, I have a busy schedule and there are times I need rest when I come home from work.” What I have found out when you let others know where you stand, they will think first before they overstep the boundaries you have set for yourself. Also, there’s nothing wrong with setting boundaries for yourself and sticking to your goals.
We must learn to love on ourselves more, forgive ourselves, comfort ourselves, allow the healing to begin, learn to set boundaries for others without feeling bad. We have been through a lot, and this is our healing process that we must learn to embrace for our own sanity.
I pray this helps another as we learn to heal and not fall victim to DOME!!
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